I just can't stop thinking about her. Every romantic song reminds me of her. It kills me a bit inside, everyday, when I realize she doesn't even care about it. I hate her for that even though I know I am the one who is to be blamed for this situation. I called for it, I always do. I just never realize when I lose the control over the situations I find myself in. People may think I fall for people too soon. People may think I am too desperate to be in love. Without denying any of these allegations, I would say that it's not completely true.
I am not someone who would easily accept being in love. Love, I believe is not something which happens at first sight, or overnight. It is something which grows, gradually, with time. It has to be started somewhere, be it from a crush, infatuation or admiration. All of them, if not love, are the seeds of love, which if nurtured properly, grow into a beautiful plant of love. What I rush into is that I plant those seeds a bit too early. Lack of rainfall also plays foul I guess.
I am not the perfect guy to be with, I have my own issues, I have my own cons, but I still wonder what does it take to make someone love you? I never believed in forcing love for myself by aggressively trying to woo the girl I really like. Is that a chink in my armor? Does every girl want to be aggressively wooed by a guy?
I always thought that natural way is the right way when it comes to love, just be there for the one you like, shower all the happiness in her life, care for her and make her believe in herself, her life without expecting anything back from her.
Often, when we like someone and do all that stuff for her, to make her feel special, we feel they ought to give us the same back. Such expectations are natural, but, not truly justified. It's your choice that you do anything for us, she is not obligated to do so, no matter how much it will hurt you.
I still care for her, I still would do anything for her, I still would fight the world for her, even though she won't do the same for me. Earlier, I thought she doesn't deserve anything I feel for her. I tried to stop thinking about her, I tried to stop caring, but alas, I failed. It was like she had the master key to my mind, to my heart, to my soul.
I have had so many crushes in my life. But never have I felt, such strong feelings for a girl who is not my girlfriend. I have hardly met her, although I always feel like, but, just couldn't. I miss the times when she would talk to me all day. It's not that I want her to talk to me always, but there was something about those times that even if we talked for a few minutes or so, it felt like the day had been completed.
She came into my life when I was totally messed up. After my breakup, I felt like a nomadic lover, I didn't feel like settling down anywhere. I was trying to suck up love from anywhere I could, like that rebound thing people say. But, it was just that I was trying to fill that big void which had been created by the loss of love.
I never had intention of fitting her in that void like I had earlier. When she came, I was already disappointed after another girl just rejected me. I wanted to stop thinking about all that and decided that I would better remain single. But she had different plans for me. Why wouldn't she let me be by myself? It has always been the case with her, she would disappear, then appear again, on and on. I felt like I had found my female counterpart. She was broken, she was twisted, she was hurt, she was in pain. I had known those feelings myself and couldn't see anyone facing all that. I felt like I wanted to be there for her, not because I was hitting on her or I wanted to take the advantage of her vulnerability.
After breaking up, a person either chooses a path where one decides to quickly find someone else and build a new tower of love, grow a new plant in that same piece of land, or, decide to pack your bags, stay away from love, live life all alone to the full or even if possible, break other hearts in worst case. That was just a generic division, otherwise there can be many more possibilities.
My case was more like the first one, her case, as you may expect, the second one. Her belief in herself, love and all those kinds of feelings had been crushed, almost beyond repair. Till the present day, it has not been repaired. I still silently try to work things out, even after knowing I am playing for a lost cause. But, like they say, the game is not over till the last second, I have never stopped. Moving on has never been my cup of tea, I am more of a person who prefers gradually moving away. It's like, moving ahead and looking back every few steps later in a hope that things might turn our way. Right or not, it's something I can't help.
From the beginning of this year 2014, I have been trying to get it over with, but after every few days or weeks, I again find myself at the point where I had started leaving her, clinging to a faint hope she gives me, from time to time. I cannot deny the truth at the end of the day, I still dream of her, almost all my poems are for her. Everyday, I look around, trying to find someone who could love me the way I love her and give me a reason to let her go. But, I fail even in that too. Everyday, I kill a dream, everyday, I kill a bit of myself. All I have by my side forever is my hope, which tells me daily, that I have nothing to lose, either she will be mine, or someone better than her would be mine. The same hope which makes me wanna leave her and move on, at the same time makes me wanna wait for her, makes me wanna think of her, makes me wanna like her, if when I know she doesn't like me the way I do.
Thoughts wordified.
I am not someone who would easily accept being in love. Love, I believe is not something which happens at first sight, or overnight. It is something which grows, gradually, with time. It has to be started somewhere, be it from a crush, infatuation or admiration. All of them, if not love, are the seeds of love, which if nurtured properly, grow into a beautiful plant of love. What I rush into is that I plant those seeds a bit too early. Lack of rainfall also plays foul I guess.
I am not the perfect guy to be with, I have my own issues, I have my own cons, but I still wonder what does it take to make someone love you? I never believed in forcing love for myself by aggressively trying to woo the girl I really like. Is that a chink in my armor? Does every girl want to be aggressively wooed by a guy?
I always thought that natural way is the right way when it comes to love, just be there for the one you like, shower all the happiness in her life, care for her and make her believe in herself, her life without expecting anything back from her.
Often, when we like someone and do all that stuff for her, to make her feel special, we feel they ought to give us the same back. Such expectations are natural, but, not truly justified. It's your choice that you do anything for us, she is not obligated to do so, no matter how much it will hurt you.
I still care for her, I still would do anything for her, I still would fight the world for her, even though she won't do the same for me. Earlier, I thought she doesn't deserve anything I feel for her. I tried to stop thinking about her, I tried to stop caring, but alas, I failed. It was like she had the master key to my mind, to my heart, to my soul.
I have had so many crushes in my life. But never have I felt, such strong feelings for a girl who is not my girlfriend. I have hardly met her, although I always feel like, but, just couldn't. I miss the times when she would talk to me all day. It's not that I want her to talk to me always, but there was something about those times that even if we talked for a few minutes or so, it felt like the day had been completed.
She came into my life when I was totally messed up. After my breakup, I felt like a nomadic lover, I didn't feel like settling down anywhere. I was trying to suck up love from anywhere I could, like that rebound thing people say. But, it was just that I was trying to fill that big void which had been created by the loss of love.
I never had intention of fitting her in that void like I had earlier. When she came, I was already disappointed after another girl just rejected me. I wanted to stop thinking about all that and decided that I would better remain single. But she had different plans for me. Why wouldn't she let me be by myself? It has always been the case with her, she would disappear, then appear again, on and on. I felt like I had found my female counterpart. She was broken, she was twisted, she was hurt, she was in pain. I had known those feelings myself and couldn't see anyone facing all that. I felt like I wanted to be there for her, not because I was hitting on her or I wanted to take the advantage of her vulnerability.
After breaking up, a person either chooses a path where one decides to quickly find someone else and build a new tower of love, grow a new plant in that same piece of land, or, decide to pack your bags, stay away from love, live life all alone to the full or even if possible, break other hearts in worst case. That was just a generic division, otherwise there can be many more possibilities.
My case was more like the first one, her case, as you may expect, the second one. Her belief in herself, love and all those kinds of feelings had been crushed, almost beyond repair. Till the present day, it has not been repaired. I still silently try to work things out, even after knowing I am playing for a lost cause. But, like they say, the game is not over till the last second, I have never stopped. Moving on has never been my cup of tea, I am more of a person who prefers gradually moving away. It's like, moving ahead and looking back every few steps later in a hope that things might turn our way. Right or not, it's something I can't help.
From the beginning of this year 2014, I have been trying to get it over with, but after every few days or weeks, I again find myself at the point where I had started leaving her, clinging to a faint hope she gives me, from time to time. I cannot deny the truth at the end of the day, I still dream of her, almost all my poems are for her. Everyday, I look around, trying to find someone who could love me the way I love her and give me a reason to let her go. But, I fail even in that too. Everyday, I kill a dream, everyday, I kill a bit of myself. All I have by my side forever is my hope, which tells me daily, that I have nothing to lose, either she will be mine, or someone better than her would be mine. The same hope which makes me wanna leave her and move on, at the same time makes me wanna wait for her, makes me wanna think of her, makes me wanna like her, if when I know she doesn't like me the way I do.
Thoughts wordified.
